For most of my adult life I was constantly trying to figure out who I was meant to be, what my purpose on earth was – that big calling that they say we all have, seemed to elude me. I have tried many things – careers as diverse as serving in the national defense force (yes I did leopard crawling like a boss, fat tummy and all!), secretary, customer relations, real estate, owning my own jumping castle business, photographer and now trying my hand at fitness. I have always managed to find joy and commitment in what I do, because I was raised with the mentality to give a 100% commitment to the job that is putting food on the table. But throughout my life I was never 100% happy with ME. I was never good enough, I never looked at my achievements in life as something of which there would be an endless flow. I would become good at something and then complacency would set in followed by that thing that is threatening our very being as earth dwelling creatures of God: comparison.
For a while I thought my new mission (calling?) in life was to become a fitness professional. After all, look how far I have come: I managed to shed “a ton” of weight, started weight training and a fitness regime of 5 days a week and each day I am moving towards a healthier relationship with food. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for someone who weighed a 132kg at my heaviest! Not so? It would have been a good thing if I could give myself some time to revel in just how amazing this accomplishment was. But no, I was already onto the next thing – I had to become a personal trainer. I completed a 12-month course in personal training in only 6 months and qualified in November 2016. It was very tough and with the added stress of a son who was having academic challenges at school, I came close to burnout. I had to pull the handbrake. And then I had a glorious few days of relaxation in beautiful Cape Town with family and I finally allowed myself some time to work in as opposed to work out. I took some time to smell the roses.
Since the start of the new year I have gained immense clarity, something that I can only call an epiphany. I am no longer concerned with not looking the part – the personal trainer who needs a personal trainer. I am no longer worried about my back fat in my tank top or the cellulite on my thighs when wearing shorts. I am learning to love this amazing body that has given me so much through many years of abuse, always remaining patient and strong even when I hated it and treated it like shit. I am finally learning to love my own body by stripping away at everything that is preventing me from seeing what already is.
And for now, at this very moment I know my calling is to keep spreading the love and positivity to others who are trying to force their bodies to be something that is not aligned with their spirit. I ask for your support as I develop something that will be grounded in a loving practice designed to get you out of your head and into your body. I hope you will stick around for the ride!